Thy Will Be Done

Sister Grace Dominic
(Sister Aubrey Hargadon)

They are four little words that are recited every time you pray the Our Father.  Those four little words could change the rest of your life.  Are you ready?  I wasn’t; here’s my story…

I went away to school for the same reasons as everyone else. I was ready for a change and wanted to get away...6 hours away to be more specific to a school named Elon University. My first year there I made some friends and lost dependency upon my parents, I wasn't like some of my friends that called home all the time for money, or got a check every week. I was on my own. My family rarely got a phone call from me, and if they did get one it was only because I needed something...so much for being independent! They were always quick and to the point conversations because I didn't want to waste the calling card minutes. Well after a year of missing my little brother's first year of high school and missing the details of my sister's senior year, I realized what I had and that it really was a precious gift.

This summer I realized how much I missed home, and how I wasn't exactly happy to be at Elon. When I first came to Elon I loved it! It was 6 hours from home, 45 minutes from my cousin and an hour from my aunt...so I had free laundry and babysitting opportunities! Whenever I needed a home cooked meal or just a weekend off campus they were my refuge. I really was happy, but as the year went on I got more and more unsatisfied. I drifted away from my faith; I started doing things to fill that void that I had created. It started out slowly, but as I got more and more into drinking, I got more and more depressed because it was not filling in that void, only making it deeper.

Over the summer I was invited to go on retreat as a chaperone with my high school youth group. I was really excited about it, until the night before the trip. I think it was a mix of me feeling guilty that I was so far from God and the devil not wanting me to get close to Him again. God won that battle...like He wins them all!! I drug myself on the bus that morning at 6:30 am because I needed to be there and also I felt that I needed to be an example to my little brother who was also going. The five-hour trip was filled with anxieties and questioning why I was there, but I had an attitude that I needed to go along with it at least on the surface so that I could be a good example. I didn't plan on getting anything out of it, because I didn't really want to put anything into it.

When we got on campus that Friday evening everything started to change. It was so awesome to hang out with my friends from high school and so cool to meet new people. I was beginning to open myself up to whatever God had in store. The speaker that night was Fr. Stan Fortuna, a rapping priest, who gave a good talk that seemed like he was talking directly to me.

The next day, around lunch time there was a lot of free time; it was an awesome time that I could have used to pray, but I felt too unworthy to pray, I was too bound up in chains. I knew that I needed to go to confession, but was so scared.  I hung out with my group instead and did not take the opportunity to grow closer to God.  The next event is always the highlight of a Steubenville conference; it's when they have Adoration...but this is no ordinary Adoration!!

After Adoration though, I knew that I needed to get to confession and get there fast. The theme of the weekend was Set Free and I know that I needed to be set free from my chains by the grace that God gives through the Sacrament of Penance. After confession, I felt a strong desire to go to the Portiuncula Chapel on campus which has Perpetual Adoration, and this is where God manifested himself to me. He touched my heart that night in a way that is so indescribable...but it definitely made me realize how loved I am and how much of a gift my life is. I prayed that “Thy will be done” and ever since that night my life has changed so much.  It has a huge role on what I want to do with my life and where that might take me. I want to live my life as a gift to the Lord, and do whatever He may ask of me…even though it didn’t quite fit with my plans.

I was set free that weekend from the junk that had set in during school. God filled that void in my soul again, like it is meant to be!! Now the scary part was how am I going to live a life devoted to the Lord in the real world? It was easy to love God on this retreat, but it was not going to be easy to go back home and continue on the walk. That is why it was a huge blessing that World Youth Day followed only a week after this conference to reaffirm what I learned that weekend.  

That week in Toronto was the best week of my entire life, and it only continued to reaffirm what I thought God may be calling me to do with my life. My memories from that week will last a lifetime, but the most important lesson that I learned that week was "Do not be afraid". That was one HUGE factor in my life at that moment; I was scared to death of what God wanted from me. I was scared of how I was going to continue to live for Him. But "Papa's" words were music to my ears and made me realize that this road is going to be difficult, but I am not alone!!! So many times in my life I forget that I am not in this alone, and I have to remember that I can handle whatever He may send my way, if He holds my hand along the way.

Now the summer is over and life is back in full swing. I came back to Elon and it was tough because I was not the same person that I was when I left for summer vacation. Being back definitely has its ups and downs, and one of the downs is that I do not have the time that I would like to devote to God.

Before this summer my, goals were to get my teaching degree, fall in love, get married, and have five kids. However after this summer I think that God is calling me down a different road. Right now, I feel as if God is calling me too religious life. This idea scared me so much at first, but I have begun to really fall in love with it. Everyday I have more and more of a desire to get closer to God and to do His will in my life.

I left Elon at the end of this past semester to try to focus on God more and see what He has in store for me. I moved back home with my wonderful family. I am taking classes at CCBC and am working with my dad in his dentist office.  This past Christmas break I put a lot of effort into discerning if I really have a vocation and exploring where God may be calling me to go.  I visited three good orders and believe that God is calling me to be a Dominican Sister of St. Cecilia, and God willing I will be entering in August…dependent upon acceptance.  These sisters are a wonderful teaching order.  They taught me in high school and gave me the foundation I have for my faith.  I visited them in January and knew that I had found my new home almost as soon as I walked in the door.  It was a wonderful retreat and I can’t wait until I have the opportunity to go down again!  I have learned so much since this past summer.  Two main things are that I need to put my trust in Him and that I need to have patience, and one day it will all be clear!  Thy will be done!

PS. Aubrey entered the Dominican Sisters of St. Cecilia on August 14th.