Who... ME??? Really???

Sister Mary Paschal of The Lamb of God
(Sister Theresa Lamb Buck)

            That was one of my first reactions… I realize now that throughout my whole life, Christ had been preparing me, beckoning me, and wooing me for such a time and place as this… a time when he would ask for my undivided heart. I never in my wildest dreams thought that this was the journey I’d take, and given the chance I’d walk again “The Road less traveled.” (Robert Frost). 

            Allow me to back up a bit… my name is Theresa. I’m 20, and a biology major… and I have four wonderful sisters and awesome parents!… all of whom are very supportive of my search in religious life.

            Even though when I was very young, I assumed I’d be a nun when I “grew up,” I rejected any such thought soon after and like any other girl, wanted to get married… and yet I knew there was something else… that was there.  It was THERE.  Then later in high school, I began to notice that Christ was beginning to stir my heart in a way I hadn’t felt before. I had a conversion experience at a Steubenville Youth conference ½ way through high school which changed my life… and by the next year I knew I had to seriously consider giving my whole being to God. I was taught and influenced by the wonderful Dominican Sisters of St. Cecelia (Nashville, TN).  And for a while I considered their order.  After wrestling with these ideas of “No! ME??,” being consecrated to Christ became the desire of my heart.  Temptations have and will come and go, but Christ remains ever faithful, asking me to surrender…again.

            So, I began visiting orders…there were 2 trips to Nashville to visit the Dominican Motherhouse with my High School which was such a confirmation and a truly beautiful experience!!  Then there was an incredible time with the Franciscan TOR sisters in Steubenville OH…. That had me hooked!!! Crucified Love was here to stay! Then, with a few other girls, we made a crazy trip to Michigan (in February!!!) to visit the Dominican Sisters of Mary, Mother of the Eucharist! It was intense, but I absolutely loved it!!!  Then just this summer, my friend Katy and I both felt led to visit some cloistered orders… just to “make sure.” After a short parlor visit with some Poor Clare Nuns of Perpetual Adoration in DC, and some Dominican Nuns in NJ, I began to think, and pray… and the cloistered life was getting to me!!! And my friend Katy Zeitler was the one who gave me the push to go for it! So I spent a live-in with the PCPA in DC… it was true living. St Clare, she has a way of breaking down walls! So, I’m still searching, looking for that place to call home, that place where “I may be constant in the house of the Lord all the days of my life.” (Ps. 27:4) Sure it’s going to be hard, but isn’t every vocation a challenge? Yes, suffering is a reality, but so it is in all walks of life. Can you think of anything more mindblowing than being the Spouse of Christ… to “leave father and mother and cleave” to Christ??? (Gen 2:24). 

            I dragged my feet for a long time and I ask questions a LOT, and then I tried other doors that were not for me. But He is patient, and we must persevere… Oh yes, watch out…especially if you like novenas to St. Therese… she can be tricky and oh so powerful! I didn’t share many details of my journey, so I’ll share one story… I was at Mt. 2000 in ’99… I didn’t know that they did one of those “vocation calls” at the end of Mass… the night before I had been struggling with the thought of religious life. So I opened up Ps. 45 and read “Hear O daughter, consider and incline your ear. Forget your people and your father’s house. For the king is enthralled with your beauty. He is your Lord, bow to Him.”  I went to bed at peace. So at this vocation call the next morning, I was thinking “I can’t stand up, because I don’t have a vocation.” So this Friar proceeds to say that at the Final Profession of many Poor Clares, they read Ps. 45 “Hear O daughter…”  I had to stand up.
            I hope that if you feel the gentle touch, the soft whisper of Christ in your heart, that you can follow Him down “the road less traveled”… It will make all the difference!!! “Be not Afraid!!!” He goes before us always! And you’re not alone!!

P.S.  Greetings in Christ! Over the past few months, since I originally wrote my profile, I have finally come to a decision concerning the direction of my vocation to religious life. I will be entering the Poor Clares of Perpetual Adoration in Hanceville, Alabama on August 11th 2003, the feast of St. Clare! I feel very drawn to a contemplative, enclosed life and one particularly focused on the Adoration of Jesus in the Most Blessed Sacrament. Our sisters pray in shifts 24/7 so that someone is always adoring Our Lord, praying for the world, and giving Thanks to God for the great Gift of the Eucharist! Although the break from home/family/friends is tough, the graces given are more than I could imagine. It is very hard for my family as well, so please pray for them! However, the blessings given, although sometimes they seem intangible, are sufficient! It is amazing to be a witness to the fact that Christ does grant all your hearts desires if you delight yourself in Him! Please pray for me as I begin my journey and my more intense discernment! Know that I will keep all who visit BaltimoreCatholic.com in my prayers. May Jesus bless you with His Peace and Joy.